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Economic weather report: Why the 'new neutral' for the OCR is lower and why it matters

Posted in News

Watch on our video page here.

Watch on YouTube here.

Bernard Hickey delivers an economic weather report in association with BNZ that looks at the 'new neutral' for the Reserve Bank's Official Cash Rate (OCR) ahead of its March Monetary Policy Statement and OCR announcement this coming Thursday.

Economists say the Reserve Bank will not have to lift the OCR as high as in previous recoveries because of new regulations and a change in the funding costs for banks. ASB has forecast the 'new neutral' for the OCR is likely to be around 5%, down around 1.25% to 1.5% from the previous 'neutral'. The OCR has averaged 6% since it was set up in 1999.

Bank funding costs are now around 1.5% higher because it's more expensive for them to raise money on international markets and they're having to compete much harder on local term deposit markets. New Reserve Bank liquidity rules are intensifying this search for longer term and more stable funding, but it is helping to increase these funding costs.

This all means that longer term interest rates for fixed mortgages and term deposits are likely to be higher than at the equivalent points in previous cycles relative to the OCR. However, the net effect is for similar longer term rates in absolute terms. The one wrinkle is that variable mortgage rates and short term deposit rates are likely to be relatively lower than longer term fixed rate mortgages and deposits than at previous points in the economic cycle.

In other words, the yield curve is now sloping upwards rather than downwards. That in turn is likely to give the Reserve Bank more traction whenever it tries to slow and speed up the economy because more borrowers will choose variable rates.

We welcome your help to improve our coverage of this issue. Any examples or experiences to relate? Any links to other news, data or research to shed more light on this? Any insight or views on what might happen next or what should happen next? Any errors to correct?

We welcome your comments below. If you are not already registered, please register to comment in the box on the right or click on the "'Register" link at the bottom of the comments. Remember we welcome robust, respectful and insightful debate. We don't welcome abusive or defamatory comments and will de-register those repeatedly making these comments.

55 Comments

What's your latest 'brother-in-law' mortgage

What's your latest 'brother-in-law' mortgage advice, Bernard?

Go for a cheap variable rate, overpay as much as possible, and hope interest rates don't rise too fast or too far? This is my current plan...

Denninger has an interesting, relevant

Great link - One to

Great link - One to start Bernard's 'top n at ?' on Monday?

@Rob: that's my advice to

@Rob: that's my advice to myself....has been for 18months now....I see nothing to push to fixed until fixed drops at least 1~1.5% and/or I change my view from an outlook of deflation/depression to substantial inflation...I dont see that changing for two years if ever...at which point the extra money I would have paid for fixed has and will have gone into paying down the initial sum faster...so from my spreadsheet even if Im paying 10.5% 3 years from now Im still ahead.

@AndrewJ: Paul Krugman and Steve Keen also have some charts that should worry, its pretty clear the trajectory is almost vertically down...so we are seeing a dead cat bounce of shares and house prices....

Thats a good piece, right on...somehow we seem to think sending the better paid jobs to china does us good....individually yes its rational, to our own economy? no, all thats left is flipping burgers....that doesnt pay.... In fact I wonder if the failure to see increases in national productivity is because of this chnage of job quality.

"States, municipalities and nations are no different than people in this regard. We have played this game for 30 years. We have promised people they could have unlimited health care, unlimited prescription drugs and unlimited, compound increases in salaries and benefits. At the same time we have permitted our corporations to send their labor base overseas, destroying the income base to purchase these products and the tax base required to pay those benefits. All of this has been "facilitated" by a financial system that grew from about 7% of the marketplace to well north of 20% (in 2007) before it all fell apart."

sums it up well...........

Anyway PK's links...to add........

http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/19/disinflation/

http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/20/more-on-disinflation/

http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/05/debt-is-a-political-issue/

http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/21/inflation-perceptions/

So when I read quality pieces they seem to me to clearly point to deflation...I have yet to see anything not "Kook" say and substantiate we are recovering.

The latest Treasury report ought

The latest Treasury report ought to leave the imprint of a size 12 boot in English's bum. Tax take down. Govt splurging up. Gap getting wider. Borrowing getting worse. Future looking certain!!!!...certain to be some serious shite for those still here. Wake up Bill....wanna go down in history as the fool who failed to act...that's the way it looks for now.

And your other bit of

And your other bit of reading this morning Bill...Denninger's final paragraph....
"As usual, the politicians thought they could extend, pretend and lie until after the election. As in 2008, they're wrong, and if they don't cut it out we'll get a repeat of the 2008 disaster but this time around it will be much worse."
Get the picture Bill....?

I sent this to Bernard

Folks keep your eye on

Folks keep your eye on the UK housing market. After responding positively to record low interest rates and cuts in stamp duty (the cost of purchase) plus a good dose of money printing the UK market has just recorded its first month of negative growth (after 7 or 8 months of positive growth). The Nationwide monthly index showed a -1% fall (month on month) for Feb and the Halifax showed a substantial -1.5% fall for the same month.

Double dipping? You betchya.....

Andy. Ive several friends in

Andy. Ive several friends in the UK seriously worried about their jobs. They say job losses in middle management are getting axed all over the place. A friend who is at present working in the Netherlands tells me his car registration is, 1340 Euros a year, where the average wage is that a month. He said jobs are being axed everywhere and its all very gloomy amongst his friends. The high cost of living and a lot of that comes down to taxes is going to really start to hurt this year and houses will be forced down due to falling real wages.

Re the thread...unless I am

Re the thread...unless I am mistaken..all that has changed is to shift the peasant hatred, from the RBNZ over a higher ocr to the banks that must raise rates to meet the Core Funding Rate level. This is just smoke and mirrors. It does not make the Elephant in the room shrink to the size of a skunk...it hides the real crisis which is having an Elephant sized skunk in the room....one that is getting very pissed off.

It does have the advantage

It does have the advantage of send the carry trade elsewhere....

That is quite important to a realistic value on the NZ$ and investment supporting returns to the tradeable economy.

You're right, Johnwalley, as long

You're right, Johnwalley, as long as the application of carry funds is into interest rates. But I can understand a Singaporean investor, who is only getting 0.5% p.a. for his $1m, gearing up at 3.5% p.a. to place his money in the NZ property market. Low interest rates here stop our house prices declining ( a worry for the Singaporean investor) and he merely reaps the cashflow benefit of the carry, and any asset improvement. It's not the worry of exchange rate movements for this type of investor ( just wait it out, even in cash. It's still better than 0.5%! And who know what will happen to the USD, let alone the Kiwi), but the risk of an asset fall that is the real deterrent. He doesn't see one; do we?

Hey Bernard, how is your

Hey Bernard, how is your mother in law? Has she passed away or did she heed Richard Long's advice rather than yours and give her nest egg to Mark Hotchin and Eric Watson to look after, or even worse, have you got yourself a new mother in law and she has no nest egg at all? Trying to maintain a reasonable return on retirement capital is a bit of a challenge these days and your crystal ball gazing in that regard was always valued.

Our world balances on a

Our world balances on a sea of debt:
The banks that control the world’s supply of money are no better than counterfeiters – and their system of juggling debt has left the global economy teetering on the brink of ruin. Convicted fraudster Darius Guppy offers a provocative personal view

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/features/7280559/Our-world-balances-on-a...

Bill's in a state for

Bill's in a state for sure now that Treasury done gone told him the accounts look like a pigs arse. What's up Bill....still running with the '6 part strategy'...or is we just running now?
The new normal is not going down well at all in the Beehive. Govt unable to steal the normal amount of cash from the peasants and gosh dam what a pain having promised all them benefits and the jobs they just keep going up in smoke.
It's a right bugger isn't it Bill......Dipton didn't prepare you for this scale of chaos and stupidity. The farm is broke Bill. The livestock have either been mortgaged to pay for the beer and gambling or scarpered through the shoddy fences into the bush. The bum from the bank is coming up the drive and we know what he wants don't we Bill.
Immigration Bill.....let them in by the million Bill....no other way Bill....well you could shoot the bum....worth a shot Bill...!

<blockquote>What is needed is a

What is needed is a root-and-branch re‑evaluation of that most curious of cultural inventions, money: how it is created, how it circulates, and how it can best be used to serve the interests of the community.

Thanks for that link Angus, here's a quote from the article.

I can see it all

I can see it all now, 25 years ago tax was 66%, but GST brought these rates down. But after the next 5 years or so, sooner if Liarbour get elected the high end Tax rate will be over 50% again to pay for borrowing and fixing baby boomers leaky houses. Liability pp for the leaky haomes is $5000 and the borrowed $60bn will be $12000 each. Who the hell is going to pay for all that?

Not me PJ.... But you

Not me PJ.... But you are right and....yes there is an and....you left out the 180 billion owed by 'home owners'...not really home owners of course because the banks own the homes...but it sounds good to some.
What do you think the fools in the Beehive should sell first.....the Chathams to Beijing or our claim to a chunk of Antarctica?

Isn't there a better,already powered

Isn't there a better,already powered and underpopulated island that some all 'The Mainland"? Get a bit more than the Chathams for it - Unsure if its worth more than Antarctica option.

Yes, and it is exactly

Yes, and it is exactly this, actually healthy, upward slope with regard to longer term interest rates that will mean that resetting mortgages in the US and elsewhere will become even more unaffordable (they should never have been granted in the first place) and that sovereign refinance costs will explode too further impairing states' credibility. It may also lead to still more frantic maturity mismatching to "make ends meet" (actually they don't). So this almost inevitably will lead to first a chain of bank and mortgage defaults and not so much later to beginning states' bankruptcies. "This time is NO different".

$400,oooooo a month for the

$400,oooooo a month for the last 3 months...that's the amount by which household mortgage debt grew....gasp....that's right the mortgage debt is still growing...not by the 2.1 billion a month prior to November but still growing.
Hard to believe it certainly is...at the start of the greatest collapse in world markets..the worst financial bloody mess in living memory...a trainwreck still in progress with no end in sight and what are the peasants in Noddyland doing....the stupid buggers are borrowing more loot to throw at overpriced property....
What the hell is the point of trying to expalin to these idiots that the NZ and Australian housing markets are nightmares waiting to happen!
When it does happen...these same idiots will scream.."but nobody told us" along with the usual "we deserve govt aid". Well stuff the lot of them as far as I am concerned.

@Wally <i>$400,oooooo a month for

@Wally
$400,oooooo a month for the last 3 months
But how much of this is 'consumption/consolidation' in the guise of a property loan?
i.e to what degree are we choosing/ having to fund 'lifestyle' with mortgages.
No wonder we expect the house to increase in value.... it has to.

When the last drop of

When the last drop of liqudity has been sucked out of the refinanced housing system; re your consumption/consolidation KWJ, and interest rates have nowhere further down to go to give respite, the only 'thing' left to salvage cash from is the house itself.

"Fears grow of double dip for UK housing market"

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/fears-grow-of-double-dip...

Thanks Nicholas, But no analysis

Thanks Nicholas,
But no analysis there (that I could see), of where people had borrowed against the house to fund 'lifestyle'.

I am trying to understand whether the increased lending is for property purchase/renovation, or 'unrelated' consumption' e.g revolving credit extensions using the house as security, but in fact used to consolidate credit card debt or other purchases.

Who gives a rat's. When

Who gives a rat's. When the collapse starts..so will the screaming for justice and other people's money, from morons who borrowed heaps so they could chase each other round the block in a race to pay the most for the least.
Meanwhile the game goes on with adverts aimed at sucking more idiots into the ponzi scheme.
The banks are busting a gut to dump rural property before the residential bomb goes off. The stink is rising!

Thanks Wally...

Thanks Wally...

<b>Peter Johns</b> : If you

Peter Johns : If you pop over to the NZ Herald , and read the Hickster's latest column , you'll see that Jelly Key is already well onto the path of Nationalising the leaky homes fiasco . And that you & I , all tax-payers infact , will stump up to fix this travesty . And yet again in NZ , the culprits get away with it . And the blindingly stupid victims are bailed out by Nanny State .

Because I'm such an avid

Because I'm such an avid reader of your links, RT, could you put 'hyperlink to' HTML tags for the important stuff, rather than just 'bold' ? Thx.

Thanks for the UK link

Thanks for the UK link Nicholas
Cover of the SST today talks bout the house price slide here, also top story on 5.30 news on Prime
Was always coming, you would have to be biased or dumb not to see it
Looks like some of our more optimistic bank economists might be a little bit wrong
Might bring some egos back to earth

A radical new technology. (Sunday

A radical new technology. (Sunday Star Time 7/3/10)
Sridhar"s device was named the "Bloom Box" It converts a range of fuels, including natural gas and bio- gases, into electricity through a clean electrochemical process.
The system uses thousand's of Bloom's patented solid oxide fuel cells. They take a hydrocarbon fuel and split it into hydrogen and carbon
John Donahoe said: Five Bloom Boxes running on landfill bio- gas are now generating more power then the company's 3000 solar panels.

While our government is still talking about reforms to encourage and support productivity and Flintstone Brownlee "invests" millions to export coal and other cheap stuff from the earth and trains and phones are not working properly. What a mess in our economy !

Walter

Please read and understand this in context with many other of my articles.

..and unemployment, especially among youngster's,

..and unemployment, especially among youngster's, is increasing fast and the consequences cost ratepayers millions.

Here the link again for the government and The Private Sector to work together for a common goal:
http://www.henderson.com/sites/henderson/sri/approach/topdowntheme/overv...

Walter

<b>Walter</b> : Last night when

Walter : Last night when we were printing Sunday's fish&chip paper I had time to look at that story , many of these " break-throughs " come to nought . $ 500 M + has been invested in the " Bloom Box " , yet the commercial applications are still scant . As they say , 100 + reseachers/laboratories world-wide are working 24/7 to be the first to achiee the critical break-through required in batterytechnology . Watch the Chinese , me old chum . Expect them to ga-zump the Yankee-Doodle-Dandies !!!

Bugger ! EDIT comes &amp;

Bugger ! EDIT comes & goes . " ACHIEVE " , not " achiee " .

@AndrewJ: Great piece a recommended

@AndrewJ: Great piece a recommended read....,

but wait isnt this what Key and Bill English are saying we need ie "The Private Finance Initiative (PFI) is a form of PPP developed by the Government in which the public and private sectors join to design, build or refurbish, finance and operate (DBFO) new or improved facilities and services to the general public." Whic in turn it seems is one huge tie on future generations if you believe what's written...

http://www.creditwritedowns.com/2010/02/just-what-is-the-real-level-of-g...

But if this is what JK and BE are trying to pull off its just immoral...if for no other reason than NZ doesnt really need this sh*te...

I mean,

"PFI contracts are currently off-balance-sheet, meaning that they do not show up as part of the national debt as measured by government statistics such as the Public Sector Borrowing Requirement (PSBR). The technical reason for this is that the government authority taking out the PFI contract pays a single charge (the ‘Unitary Charge’) for both the initial capital spend and the on-going maintenance and operation costs. This means that the entire contract is classed as revenue spending rather than capital spending. As a result neither the capital spend nor the long-term revenue obligation appears on the government’s balance sheet. Were the total PFI liability to be shown on the UK balance sheet it would greatly increase the UK national debt."

This in turn robs us and our children of our/their futures....its debt servitude pure and simple....just to give tax cuts to the better off now...

Jesus if this isnt criminal it should be..........JK truly deserves the title smiling death....

regards

@Peter Johns: If Labour get

@Peter Johns: If Labour get elected....wake up mate....if its National the result is the same. The tax rate is going to climb, thereis no other possible logical outcome either that or services/pensions are cut or debt hell....So raising taxes either starts now (within 5 years) at a few % or we continue to borrow to make up the deficit until we cant borrow anymore and then taxes go up a whole lot....its that simple....

regards

@KW John: I done see

@KW John: I done see it as a "fear" of a double dip (UK or USA or NZ take your pick)....its here...its starting...the sad thing is the people who will be worst burned will be the youngest....those who will bear the brunt of tax increases to pay for the services the least effected will demand.

That piece linked by AndrwJ is fasinating....or maybe the word is horrifying...and it leads onto more..........

http://www.zerohedge.com/article/titlos-llc-special-purpose-vehicle-down...

So if there is a downgrade all hell breaks loose....is greece savable? dont see it myself..

This from the latest privateer:

This from the latest privateer:

The Solution - In Microcosm:
On March 6, Icelanders voted in their first referendum since they became independent from Denmark in 1944. At issue were the terms under which their government would “repay” the UK and the Netherlands for compensating their nationals who lost money in the collapse of “Icesave”. Preliminary returns show that the 320,000 voters said NO by a margin of 93 to 2 percent - the rest having cast invalid ballots.

The Iceland bank Landsbanki - which offered the “Icesave” accounts - went belly up in October 2008. As a result, more than 400,000 depositors (more than the entire population of Iceland) in the UK and the Netherlands faced a period of 6-8 weeks in which they would have been unable to access their money.

The governments of these nations feared that this inability to access Icesave accounts would result in a run on the banks in the UK and the Netherlands, so they stepped in and “compensated” the depositors.

Nobody forced anyone to put their money in the “Icesave” accounts. People did so because the accounts paid MUCH higher interest rates than the domestic UK and Dutch banks did. What the UK and Dutch governments want Iceland to do is to repay the money they spent to bail out their own citizens to avoid a highly likely bank run in their own countries. In other words, they wanted the government “guarantees” which “protect” banks and financial systems everywhere from incipient panic to be honoured.

No citizens of any nation have been given a say in the working of these government “guarantees” - until now. The Icelanders were given a say - and said NO! For the first time in the GFC, a very small nation has awakened to the fact that government guarantees can only be made good by the governed. This is a small crack in a very big iceberg. It is also a small step in the process by which all “malinvestments” are liquidated rather than perpetuated. And stock markets today are the biggest malinvestments out there.

@Steven - The sad thing

@Steven - The sad thing is that because we have MMP, ,we can not even vote out the corrupt polytick. The top dogs slide in under the "list" method and we get more of the same.

Also, when it comes to measuring GDP, the Govt spending is counted towards the total - when it is actually simply a redistribution of wealth but threat of imprisonment rather than wealth creation. All across the world, Govt spending is ramping up at the time that tax reciepts are falling.

One final comment - Inflation is running rampant as all of this excess liquidity is starting to flow into the prices of goods and services. As an example, my food shopping which has not changed much this past year has gone from $245 every 2 weeks to $290 every 2 weeks. Thats a pretty hefty % increase in 12 months

The generations that have been

The generations that have been excluded from property ownership due to the disconnection between land and wage inflation will now be expected to foot the repair bills (via taxes) of the very rotten homes they are/will be forced to rent. I am surprised there is anyone under 45 still left in NZ. The rest of the world is facing housing issues but this one is unique to NZ.

@Martin: MMP ~ list position,

@Martin: MMP ~ list position, yes that's sort of a good point, but you are assuming that the locals for the MP dont want him, sad fact is if say Labour put a bum and a stiff before Labour voters in that electorate they get voted in......... I still think MMP is better than FPP....eg if the Green's can secure a big enough % to have 7? seats then to me its wrong that % of voters does not get represented. What I dont agree with is 1 seat and say 2% of the vote getting 2 or 3 list MPs while a straight 4.x% of the vote get none that seems unfair...

"when it is actually simply a redistribution of wealth but threat of imprisonment rather than wealth creation."

but what wealth creation? financial ponzi schemes? thats a farce, cutting taxes for the blood suckers does not help one bit. So how do you seperate out the real creators of wealth and reward them (if its money thats driving that creation anyway) from the financial "wizards" and property gamblers? I am all for rewarding the competant business man who uses NZ labour to create a good and even more if he or she exports it, cutting their tax to say <25% would see me clapping...House gamblers and the RE industry thats sucks off them well 45% and I wouldnt blink...

"All across the world, Govt spending is ramping up at the time that tax reciepts are falling." Yes and on a personal level what does a sane person do, save for a rainy day...put money in the bank and/or invest in items and areas that will make the downturn less of a pain...instead we get the clamour for tax cuts in the boom and then dis-pleasure over service cuts in the bust because we wont stand the increase in taxes...

Wakeup....things like the Cullen Fund were to carry us over the bad pain in the future...instead its been cut...so instead of some pain now those paying taxes will see proportionally more pain later...of course many of those who will have to pay off the pain are too young to vote and maybe not even born yet...for me that's immoral...

regards

Roger here more detailed what

Roger here more detailed what I’m trying to say 7/3/ 4:39pm:
In the competitive worldwide economy of the 21st Century New Zealand as a small remote country cannot afford to carry on with it’s current “Patch Work Economy”, but must plan, organise and construct it’s economy.
As a comparison: The winter Olympic
Switzerland planned eight Gold-metals achieved six two short of it’s goal one of the most successful nations. This will favour Switzerland winter tourism – taxpayer’s money well spend. A long term plan, organised by the Private sector (associations) with the support government setting up a spider web to catch medals. And it’s not only about money. Other nations spend far more money in order to achieve that goal. (Austria 10 times) with less success – WHY ? The devil is in the details – building the right segments/ framework.

..and as a nation you cannot succeed, just transporting a bunch of “athletes” having fun in Vancouver for 2 weeks at the costs of us tax- payers- bad business.

Walter

Please read and understand this in context with many other of my articles

@W. kunz: this assumes you

@W. kunz: this assumes you have a crystal ball....but also competent Govn "intervention" or "picking the winners" usually ends up as pork barrel politics.....

An example more serious, a competitive electricity generating sector doe snot offer guarantee of supply, that means standby plant, imagine how NZ will suffer with black and brownouts....its plain potty....but rational for the generation company.

regards

Hey <b>Walter</b> : You're up

Hey Walter : You're up bright and early . A cool nip of autumn this morning .

I think your comments ( read in context with your many other articles ) could equally apply to Australia . They garner a dispproportionate share of Olympic medals in the summer games . And if we look at the companies' reporting season , they are out-pacing us there too .

How to gain back some of the spoils of victory is the question .

steven, I noticed a few

steven, I noticed a few times you are not one among:

Please, read and understand this in context with many other of my articles

OCR unlikely to rise in

OCR unlikely to rise in 2010 - may even drop given that a double dip looks like it is underway. Stay floating folks - that's the best move right now. Long term fixed rates are heading down.

Hello <b>St. Nick</b> : I

Hello St. Nick : I missed your comment above . Not sure wot a hyperlink is , nor a html tag . Kate tried to learn me good on computer usage once , but I isn't up to it yet .

Sorry to hear that you're an " avid reader " of postings . A dip in the Tasman Sea at Hokitika sholud clear your head of my nonsense .

We do have " Computing For Free " nearby . Must avail their services . Think that the Chch Polytech runs it .

Please read this and forget it immediately as per all of my articles

Sorry RT. I noticed you

Sorry RT. I noticed you using bold so thought you'd also be into THIS

What a rotten bit of

What a rotten bit of luck...twenty plus years of useless crapulous stupendously mindless govt and we end up with a pile of rot..who would have figured that would happen!
Meanwhile the shites responsible for the mess are still collecting big fat taxpayer loads of dosh for doing such a great job. Don't it wanna make you spew!
What happened to the Blind lady...where is the bloody justice...why don't we see civil and criminal charges aimed at the those shites? Seriously...why not.?
Meanwhile the use of pink shite radiata rubarb continues....yet more food for the fungi and fun for the future.

@Wally What about going after

@Wally

What about going after companies such as James Hardie etc who manufactured the products and marketed them as being suitable for use in New Zealand. I was a draftsman involved in the drawing up of plans these particular units and was told on many ocasions by my suppliers that the items were safe to use in the manner specified. The manufacturers also advised the councils on the suitability of the materials.

Which ever way you slice it, this is a "cluster f###" with no solution. No matter which way it swings the tax payer will foot the bill in one shape or another. All part of our social obligation I guess.

Situation: I'm about to come

Situation: I'm about to come off my fix rate of 9.5% (you beauty) with a morgtege of 250k. What should I do? float it all? Fix it all? Split fix/float or rock the boat.

Ideas people....

@ Uncle Barry 1. Be

@ Uncle Barry

1. Be cautious about taking advice from anonymous internet forums
2. Fix half float half or percentages that make you happy

The reality is noone knows if interest rates are going to shoot up or stay the same. This covers you both ways.

3. Or float it all

Option 2. is the investment

Option 2. is the investment advisors standard suggestion. In total it can't be wrong. Lose on 6,win on the other half a dozen.

Dam sure I'm not paying

Dam sure I'm not paying for it. Once a beaurocratic load of toads are in place to hand out the dosh...you can bet they will delay and build...their own secure job for life as state servants serving themselves...then the fraud and rorts will begin....anyone wanna do a reno on free govt dosh...slip me a bundle and your names on the list mate.

This is a classic I

This is a classic I just have to print it all. Hope that is OK

http://alfgrumblemp.wordpress.com/2010/03/07/eureka-a-new-element/#comme...

"Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons."