Lynda Moore points out that everyone's relationship with money changes over time even if some bedrock principles remain the same

Way back in 2018 I stood up in front of a room full of women for my very first Money Mentalist presentation. I was terrified! I had twelve slides, and a title I was rather pleased with, "The 12 M&Ms of Money", I also had a large bowl of chocolate M&M’s as giveaways. If nothing else was remembered from my presentation, at least I hoped the chocolates would be appreciated.  The M&Ms stood for Money Mindset and Management, and the idea was simple: twelve lessons that would help people feel better about their money.

Recently I was hunting for something in my filing cabinet and I found the printed PowerPoint slides, complete with speaker notes, gosh I was efficient back then. I completely forgot what I was looking for and started reading.  Eight years and a lot of clients later was a bit like opening an old diary. Some of it made me nod. Some of it made me wince. And some of it reminded me how much I've learned from the people who've sat across from me since.

So, I thought I'd share an honest review: what still holds, what I've changed my mind about, and what I'd add if I gave that talk again tomorrow.

What still holds

The heart of that first talk was that your relationship with money comes first. Before the spreadsheets and savings plans, there's how money makes you feel, and the beliefs about it you absorbed growing up. I'd stand by that just as firmly today. If anything, my own life since understanding this and deciding to redefine my own relationship with money has only deepened it.

I'd also keep the idea that beliefs drive behaviour, which gives us our results. We don't overspend, avoid our bank statements or feel guilty buying ourselves something nice because we lack information. We do it because of stories we carry, often from a very young age. I still tell the story that for years; my finances were being run by four-year-old Lynda. Most of us have a younger self quietly making money decisions for us.

The lesson about noticing what we're feeling just before we spend still holds too. And so does my favourite, the last one: freedom is a state of mind, not a number. I've met people with very little who feel secure, and people with a great deal who never feel it's enough.

What I'd say differently

A few of my 2018 lessons have aged less gracefully.

Budgets. Back then, one of my twelve was "have a realistic budget". Today I'd say have a money plan instead. Most budgets are built around restriction, a list of things you're not allowed to do, and like most diets they tend to collapse. A money plan starts with what matters to you and works out how to fund it, and it changes as your life does.

Needs and wants. In 2018 I encouraged people to stop justifying their wants as needs. I'd soften that now. The more useful question isn't whether something is a need or a want. Instead, identify the underlying need and how you are meeting that need.  Can you meet that need in another way that doesn’t have the same spend? That answer is different for everyone, and it's far more freeing to know your own than to follow someone else's rules.

Debt. My original advice focused on methods for paying debt down. Those still work. But I've learned to start somewhere else, with the emotional weight debt carries and the real problem underneath it. Is it a spending issue, an income issue, a timing issue? Until we know that, the method doesn't matter much. 

Paying yourself first. I used to suggest saving 10% before you spend anything. The principle is still right, but the context has changed. KiwiSaver now quietly pays many of us first, and the default contribution rate rose to 3.5% this year, heading to 4% in 2028. The better question now is whether the default is enough for the life you want, and what you're doing beyond it.

What I'd add for business owners

The biggest gap in that first talk was that it only spoke to personal finances. Since then, I've worked with a great many business owners, and I've realised all twelve lessons turn up in a business too.

The owner who mistakes turnover for profit, and profit for cash. The one whose pricing is set by a quiet belief that they're not really worth charging more. The one who pays every supplier, every staff member and Inland Revenue, and takes whatever's left for themselves, if anything. These aren't just accounting problems. They're money stories, playing out with bigger numbers.

If I gave the talk again, I'd give every lesson a business-owner version alongside the personal one.

How the twelve fit together now

I'd also organise them differently. Today my whole practice sits on three pillars. Clarity is understanding where you stand, the accounting side. Priority is deciding what matters and planning your money around it. Certainty is looking ahead, to the future you want and how to protect it.

The twelve M&Ms fit neatly across those three, which tells me that first talk was pointing in the right direction, even if a few of the signposts needed repainting.

If there's one thing I've learned since 2018, it's that nobody changes twelve things at once. So, if any of these lessons stood out for you, pick that one and start there this week.

*Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.