Lynda Moore says much spending involves genuine choice. But some of it involves expectations we’ve simply never stopped to question, and that’s when the trouble starts

With my first grandchild on the way, I found myself drawn to the baby department in Farmers looking at all the things a modern baby needs. Tiny singlets. Miniature gumboots, and lots of other things that I don’t recall even existing when I had my daughter. And because I can’t quite switch off the accountant in me, the price tags.

I carried onto the toy department, gosh, I wish I was a kid again, what a treasure trove that was. The Boys' toys seemed to be more about cars, dinosaurs and superheroes. While the Girls' toys came with elaborate outfits, accessories and miniature versions of things that will eventually require a real-life budget of their own.

At this point I decided it was an excellent idea to exit the store before my wallet came out.

It got me wondering. Does it really cost more to raise a girl than a boy? And does that carry on right through life?

There’s even a name for part of it: the “pink tax.” It’s the little extra we pay for the version of something that’s been made pink, floral or “for her.” Same razor, different colour, slightly higher price. Hair products are some of the worst offenders.

You could fairly say, just buy the blue one. And you’d be right. But I don’t think the real cost is in the razor aisle. I think it’s in the life we quietly build around being a girl, and then a woman.

Pom-poms versus mouthguards

Think about Saturday sport. Junior rugby is wonderfully cheap. A season often costs less than a family dinner out, the club usually hands over a jersey, and once you’ve bought boots and a mouthguard, you’re pretty much done.

Now think about cheerleading. There’s the registration fee, then fees every term, then a fee for each competition. There’s the uniform, and of course the bow. Before you know it, you’re heading towards a thousand dollars a year, and that’s before you’ve found glitter in places glitter should never be.

Yes, girls play rugby, and play it brilliantly, and boys cheer too. But you get my drift. The activities we’ve traditionally nudged girls towards, like dance, gymnastics and cheer, so often come with costumes, competitions and a lot of extras.

Clothes are much the same. Boys’ clothes tend to be practical and get handed down until the knees give out. Girls’ clothes come in more styles, more colours, and a lot more “but I wore that last week, Mum.”

The bathroom cabinet years

Then come the teenage years, and the bathroom cabinet starts filling up. Razors, period products, cleansers, serums, and whatever the internet has decided is essential this week. As a child with eczema, skin care has always been important to me, but I seemed to get by growing up with just three products, I am totally blown away by not just the variety, but also the various price points.  

And then there’s the hairdresser. Most of us have had that moment at the counter where we quietly wonder why our trim cost so much more than our male counterparts, even when there wasn’t much more hair involved.

Are the boys catching up?

Here’s where it gets interesting. The boys are catching on. Teenage boys now talk about skincare routines, and I’ve heard of some going halves on a bottle of fancy aftershave, like sharing a pizza. Men’s spending on grooming is growing faster than women’s, and so is the men’s skincare area in Farmers (I checked that out as well). 

So, is the gap closing? A little. But they’re starting from a long way back. Plenty of men still think a bar of soap covers face, hair and everything in between.

Does it level out as we get older?

Partly. Life gets busy, and many of us pare things back. Some days the full routine becomes a quick bit of moisturiser and out the door. And plenty of men now own more products than their fathers ever dreamed of.

You might have seen those headlines claiming women spend enough on makeup in a lifetime to buy a house. Take them with a pinch of salt. It’s a decent sum over a lifetime, but it’s not a house.

As adults we choose our own clothes, hobbies and personal care routines. Some men spend a small fortune on gadgets, watches and grooming. Some women are perfectly happy with a simple skincare routine and comfortable shoes.

But there are still everyday differences worth noticing.

Women may spend more on certain personal care products, bras, hair removal and menstrual products. Clothing expenses also vary depending on work requirements, lifestyle and personal preferences.

Men traditionally have their own expensive habits, too. Anyone who has looked at the price of a quality fishing rod, golf club or mountain bike knows that women don't have a monopoly on spending money.

The point isn't to decide who has it worse. It's to recognise how expectations influence our spending.

The longest-running cost of all

Then there’s the one thing no moisturiser can fix. We simply live longer. On average, women in New Zealand outlive men by about three and a half years. Here in Tasman, we do even better than most.

That’s wonderful news, of course. But those extra years are often lived on our own, and living alone isn’t cheap. The power bill, the rates and the insurance don’t halve just because there’s one of you, but the pension does shrink. Over three or four years, that can add up to well over a hundred thousand dollars. It’s a lovely problem to have, but one worth planning for.

So, what do we do with all this?

I’m certainly not suggesting we hand our daughters a mouthguard and cancel the dance lessons. If something brings real joy, friendship and confidence, it’s money well spent.

Sometimes, yes, it does cost more to be a woman. In other areas, the difference is less clear. And plenty of men manage to spend a small fortune on their own interests.

What matters is understanding where our money goes and why.

David Krueger talks about our money stories, the beliefs we soak up about what we “should” spend. Some of what women spend is a genuine choice. Some of it is expectation we’ve simply never stopped to question, and that’s when the trouble starts. 

Ask yourself, are you buying something because you genuinely enjoy it? Because it makes life easier? Or because we've absorbed the idea that we should look, dress or behave a certain way?

The trick is knowing which is which. Buy the blue razor if it does the same job. Keep the glitter if it lights up her Saturday. And give a little thought to those extra years, so they can be as comfortable as they are long.

*Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.