Take time to have a laugh regularly, even when the going gets tough. And if you know a good one, share it with our readers

Take time to have a laugh regularly, even when the going gets tough. And if you know a good one, share it with our readers

OK. We are now realising that four weeks is a long time.

And today's news of our first death makes it very sobering.

We will need a lot of patience, taking the restrictions seriously. And we will need to try hard with 'willful kindness'.

A little humour will probably help too.

So this page is here for you to share Covid-19 and coronavirus humour.

Yes, I know, the situation from the virus itself, and the distressing economic and social fallout is no joke, it is serious and even a deadly business.

But a little humour might help all the same.

Here is one to start: the definition of Irony: when the Year of the Rat starts with a plague.

Or, Mexico is asking Trump to hurry up and build the wall NOW! (And they might now actually pay for it! H/T GV.)

Over to you in the comment section below.

(Please keep it basically clean, and no racism in any guise.)

Also, we are planning to start another page for Kids Jokes, so you can help them with a bit of humour too.

We welcome your help to improve our coverage of this issue. Any examples or experiences to relate? Any links to other news, data or research to shed more light on this? Any insight or views on what might happen next or what should happen next? Any errors to correct?

We welcome your comments below. If you are not already registered, please register to comment.

Remember we welcome robust, respectful and insightful debate. We don't welcome abusive or defamatory comments and will de-register those repeatedly making such comments. Our current comment policy is here.

53 Comments

17
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Q:Why does coronavirus cause toilet paper shortages?
A: One person sneezes, and 100 people s*** themselves.

12
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Q: What's the best thing about pandemic jokes?

A: Everyone gets them!

15
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The Irish will be concerned if the cases keep Dublin.

Is this okay?

Sh%ts getting real

17
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My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, now when I pee I clean the toilet.

Q: What goes up and never comes down?
A: Mr Muldoon's prices

A pretty lame 'joke' that did the rounds in the playgrounds of NZ circa late 1970s /1980.
Anyone else remember that one?

Monty Python is always good. Farcical comedy for farcical times.

Always look on the bright side of life!
Life's a piece of s**t when you look at it!
Always look on the bright side of life!

24
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Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.

10
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John Travolta reported he had Chills and they are multiplying.

Doctors have now confirmed it is NOT Corona virus, rather a case of Saturday Night fever. They have confirmed he will be Stayin' alive.

13
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After 4 weeks of Isolation I'm either going to weigh 10 kgs less and have completed a dozen worthwhile projects or weigh 10 kgs more and have a nasty drinking problem....

Re-float from days back if I may indulge. Explains the challenges presented to both the medical staff and patients alike. Spike Milligan at Bexhill camp circa 1941. Lunch in the mess tent. Serves up boiled potatoes, boiled peas, boiled sausages. The Medical Officer walks in amongst the tables and asks “any complaints?” Up pipes one private “yes sir, me sir, I’ve got piles.” Says the MO “that’s bloody strange, everyone else has got sausages.”

.

Seems one of the symptoms is loss of sense of taste. So I am eating something every hour, to test I am okay.
Have to order bigger and stronger furniture though.

A bit sick maybe but this is the current top "covid joke" on twitter:

https://twitter.com/JuddLegum/status/1242422188701102081

Jeff Bezos is a funny guy.

Now I know why toilet papers are flying off the shelves.
People are self isolating themselves in the toilet.

14
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F**k sake I just took my grandmother some food but forgot to film myself handing it to her, what a waste of time.

humourst be joking David

and one from the gypsy family staying with us till whenever:

Armageddon closer.........

Found this on FB
Day 4 - struck up a conversation with a spider in the bathroom turns out he's a Web designer too...

18
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German people are panic buying Sausages and Cheese. They are well prepared for a Wurst Käse scenario.

...I'll get my coat.

Ich lol'd

In embarrassment, Govt. latest Covid-19 announcement:
We forgot to add NZ Landlords as collectively 'providing essential services' for all NZers.

"Spare a thought for the foregotten victims of this crisis. - burglers" a headline in Daily Telegraph

How does one harvest a dope patch in a lock down? Asking for a friend.

With a bag full of food, a packet of zig zags and a lighter?

12
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It was a quiet Monday morning in September 2053 when John woke up and had to go to the bathroom. But this was no ordinary day for John!! This was the day he would open the last packet of toilet paper his parents bought in the year 2020.

13
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The NZ Herald has reported that Simon Bridges has the Wuhan virus. When asked for comment Bridges replied he's been taking everything he can get from China for many years.

From the herald sideswipe...

This Coronavirus is hard on the workforce, but especially hard on men!

we lose $1 for every $0.79 women lose

Stand in solidarity with anorexics: Flatten the curve

Trump found to be immune to COVID-19 after admitting to a 100 vitamin C pill a day addiction. Explains alot.... Trumpalumparlumpetydoo

Relax... we are doing great

12
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A plane with 5 passengers on board -- Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Jacinda Adern, the Pope and a 10-year-old schoolgirl -- is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes. Trump says "I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and I'm needed to solve the pandemic!" He takes one parachute and jumps. Johnson says ‘I’m needed to sort out the COVID-19 mess in to Britain’. He takes one and jumps. The Pope says, "The world's Catholics depend on me for comfort in a time of fear." He takes one and jumps. "You can have the last parachute," Jacinda says to the 10-year-old. "I've lived a good part of my life. Yours is only just starting." The little girl replies: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA just took my school bag."

I thought we needed a good laugh!!!

Best in show so far!

Smalltown; very sadly only a joke.
Cheers

frigging awesome

At school little Johnny is asked to make up a sentence with the word, contagious in it..
"Well" johnny goes, "this morning on the way to school we saw an overturned truck that was carrying apples, apples everywhere, and my Dad said it will take some contagious to pick them all up".

Take

takeagious to pick them all up? Oh....I see....

.

19
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Somebody just pointed out that our supermarkets are strangely apocalyptic:

Countdown and New World.....

12
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Guy in Venezuela says to his mate: “Man, if we hadn’t already destroyed our economy, we would really be in the s**t now. Lucky..”

I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping for a zombie apocalypse not a virus

Wait till the coffee runs out...

Please no. I'll be the first to turn

I used to cough to hide a fart, now I fart to hide a cough.

What lives but is not alive?

Virus

Great idea David, I bet the best pandemic joke will go viral ; )

Muldoon's most famous quip is worth repeating: "Every New Zealander that emmigrates to Australia increases the average intelligence of both countries".

Are sex workers still allowed to give elbowjobs ?

It's not that funny, but can I assume that No anti-vaxxers will accept a vaccine when one is made?

If you want a really sick joke-it's got to be Trump.

Yes, and then it will be necessary for everyone to prove they are OK. And you can't be out without proof of vaccination.

Fireman on the news said that people should stay off the DIY around the house during lock down.

Well you'll have to pry my cold bloody fingers from inside my skillsaw guard before that happens!

Coronavirus Rhapsody :)
https://youtu.be/8KPbJ0-DxTc