Innocent jokes and banter with children can bring a special shared smile to all of us when we are feeling stressed in a lockdown. Here are a few

Innocent jokes and banter with children can bring a special shared smile to all of us when we are feeling stressed in a lockdown. Here are a few

I need some help.

One of the ways I stay connected to my grandkids is to share a joke or two. We do this regularly.

But I am running out, even if they are still going strong.

Family life is disrupted like everything else. And finding different ways to stay connected is clearly important.

Real life for adults may be concerning at fundamental levels, but we need to keep these pressure off our children as much as we can, and stories and jokes can be a part of that. I am not suggesting it even needs to be a major part, but having a fun, light time will not only help pass the time, but balance off the more gloomy parts of the lockdown.

Anyway, I thought if I share some of our joke banter, you might help me with some others I could pass on.

Please add them in the Comment section below.

I need them suitable for school-age children, any age. (And yes, I know I could just google for some, but everyone does that so I am looking for some a little more unique, even Kiwi-unique.)

Please keep them child-friendly.

Thank you.

(PS: here is the link to last week's coronavirus humour for adults.)

Here are some we have already shared:

Why do dinosaurs have long necks? Because their feet stink.

Why is there no coronavirus in Antarctica? Because they are in ice-olation.

A cop sees a guy with a dozen penguins in the bed of his pickup. He pulls the guy over and starts yelling at him, "What the heck are you doing? You can't have these penguins here! You have to take them to the zoo right away!" The guy says, "Yes sir! I'll do it right away!" and drives off. The next day, the cop sees the same guy, same pickup, same dozen penguins in the bed only this time they're all wearing sunglasses. The cop pulls him over, and now he's angry! He says, "What are you doing? I told you to take them to the zoo!" The guy replies, "I took them to the zoo yesterday; today I'm taking them to the beach!"

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the moo-vies.

Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his breakfast? Because he was stuffed.

A rope walks into a restaurant. The waiter says, "You'll have to leave. We don't serve ropes here." The rope goes outside and cries, and then rubs himself on the ground and ties himself. He struts back into the restaurant, and the waiter says, "Aren't you that rope I just asked to leave?" The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.

What do you call a dear with no eyes? No idea.

A mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender yells, "Get out of here, we don't serve your kind!" And the mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.

Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank.

What do you call a strawberry that’s feeling sad? A blueberry.

Why can’t skeletons go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowntain.

Why did the farmer get an award? Because he was out standing in his field.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye-matey.

Why shouldn't you play games on safari? Because there are cheetahs.

Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired.

How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.

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I have some cat jokes that are kids friendly:-

" Why do cats always get their way? They are very purr-suasive!

* What's a cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!

* What is a cat's favorite movie? The Sound of Mewsic!

* Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of its bark!

* Why did the cat wear a fancy dress? She was feline fine!

Did you hear about the three eggs? Too bad.

( ͡^ ͜ʖ ͡^)

This Lockdown is turning us all into dogs!
We roam the house, looking for food; spend a lot of time dozing in front of the TV and get really excited when we think we are going for a car ride.

An oldie but goodie

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes, dog?
Doyouthinkysaurus Rex

the one my kids hate. ' what did the man do who had a dog with no legs? Took it for a drag in the park.

What does a mushroom say to another mushroom in room full of mushrooms?

There ain't mushroom in here

What do you call a cat that has 3 legs,
1 eye,
1 half-chewed ear,
a smelly rear,
and a tail like a bent old nail?
A catastrophe.


One snowman to another: Hey can you smell carrots?

I always liked the follow up to What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and not legs? Still no idea.

There is a third one in the series, but not suitable for kids.

What’s the name of the Aussie guy with no arms and no legs who swam across the Cook Strait

A. Bob

What's Black and White and Red all over?

A sunburnt Penguin.

My kid's current favourite.

Knock Knock,
Who's there?
Moo who?
That's a funny sounding owl.

What do you call a magician who's lost his magic?


Why did the high-school student fail her calculus exam when they sat her between two identical twins?

It was difficult to differentiate between them.

Two cows are standing next to each other in a paddock. Cow one turns to the cow two and says " Hey I heard we have to watch out... mad cows disease is on the rise again" The second cows turns to the first and says "hmmmm..... not going to bother me" it said "cause Im a squirrel".

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
What did the policeman say when he came across three holes in the ground? Well, well, well, what’s all this then.

Kids & Teenagers, never believe me when I told them that most grown up usually have plenty of nightmare from a particular scary/horror movie - Wow, .. which one was that? I said it's soo horrid, it's no longer available online for download, rated PGR though and it's called 'Paying the Bills - continuation'.

This one kills my children every time:
Q: What sits in a corner and gets smaller and smaller and redder and redder?

A: A baby with a potato peeler.