It shouldn’t come as a great shock to you that men and women are different. Besides the obvious physiological differences, there are also psychological differences. So, it also shouldn’t come as a shock to learn that when it comes to money, men and women are different as well – which adds a further layer of complication to a couple's relationship.
Here are a few differences that have been identified. Bear in mind that these are generalisations, so not every man or woman will fit nicely into these areas. This list was compiled by my mentor, psychiatrist Prof. David Krueger.
- Men tend to view money as representing power and identity. Women view it as security and autonomy.
- Women investors are less aggressive, trade less and earn higher returns than men.
- Men invest it to grow principle. Women want to protect it.
- Women worry about losing money, more than doing nothing with it. Men don’t like inaction.
- Men orientate towards results. Women put a higher priority on relationships.
- Women tend to take it personally if they lose investment money. Men tend to blame external factors, e.g. the market, the broker, etc.
- Men view effective money management in terms of long-term strategies, e.g. retirement. Women look at shorter range goals, e.g. finding bargains, eliminating debt.
- If a man earns more than his wife, he thinks he should have the prime decision making authority. If the other way around, the wife thinks of shared democratic decision making.
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
So, where do these differences come from?
A lot of these gender differences are thought to be socio-cultural, in other words the characteristics of the men being the hunter while the women is the gatherer and nurturer.
Sounds reasonable, but are your brains hardwired with these differences? If you are a parent of boys and girls, I am sure you will have a gut answer to this question.
In 2007 Leonard Sax (a psychologist and family Doctor) released his research which included compiling the research results of others. This is a snippet of his findings:
As part of a behavioural study into new-borns, the babies were placed in their cots where, a woman was on one side of the cot and on the other side was a revolving mobile. The study found that every new-born boy looked at the mobile and the girls looked at the woman. This implied that from day one of life, we are hardwired.
Your eyes are wired differently, too. In simple terms, girls look at colour and texture (M cells connected to rods), while boys focus on movement (P cells connected to cones).
We also hear differently as well. A girl’s hearing is seven times more sensitive than boys. By the time we reach adulthood it is about 24 times more so. So, when a man says, "I can’t hear you honey" he may well be right! (phew!)
There have been numerous studies to support these findings that men and women’s brains are hardwired differently.
Add to that, the socio cultural and stereotype differences, it’s little wonder we have so much trouble working through the money minefield in our relationships.
Many of you will find it hard to talk to your partner/spouse about money and if that’s you, you’re not alone.
Even in the tightest relationship money can be hard to talk about - but easy to yell about. Sigmund Freud noted that people find it easier to talk about sex than money.
There are all sorts of reasons why couples find it difficult, but unless you find a way, you severely limit the chances of your relationship staying together. The ability to discuss money and your financial plans is an important skill in developing your relationship and your financial well-being.
Here’s another scary statistic: 1 in 4 couples has a partner that is secretly spending or hiding joint money.
Sadly, money issues are now the single most common cause of relationship failures in the western world.
With this in mind it is important to realise we have gender differences and make the effort to talk openly about those with our partners. No matter how hard that can feel.
Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.
15 Comments
In the early years of our marriage we both worked, lived of her income and banked mine. More than enough to meet our needs. After the (4) kids arrived we became a single income family, less money, less free time. I earned it, my wife managed it. As the kids got older and more challenging I took over the financial management and bill paying. We always consult on the purchase of big personal items but trust each other on everything else. Now the kids are grown she is more inclined to support them with money. Now I manage the investments and I struggle to get her to show an interest. So long as there is enough for the foreseeable future she is happy.
I love the way you have worked together as a team through the years and different life transitions and swopped roles around. Some couples just 'get it' and understand each others money personalities and can make it work seamlessly, I would put you in that category
Yes being able to talk about money is very important, and it has nothing to do with gender. (do all same-sex relationships have great money relationships? I don't think so). That's why I believe that some basic budgeting at primary school level is one of the best improvements we can make for our society.
Firstly we need to understand that money is not good or bad, people can be, but money is simply a form of exchange. Also remove the taboo some people have talking about money.
Then some basic budgeting (don't spend more than you earn), and understanding some basic percentages at school level, will be invaluable for the rest of one's life.
Financial literacy is a huge issue and I agree it should be taught to children in primary school, and there shouldn't be any differentiation between genders.
Again, you are correct, we do need to remove the taboo around money, and take the emotion out of it and recognise it is just a tool, but that is often easier said than done.
Understanding budgeting and the concept of spending less than you earn is easier for some than others, it really depends how we are wired....
Who do you think should be responsible for teaching children about money? The education system? or family?
I work with numerous parents who are struggling to sort out their own money situation, and feel totally incompetent to teach their children.
Which leads me to the question, how can you raise financially healthy children if they don't have financially healthy parents?
I'd love to hear your thoughts
First trip to town with wifey.
We get to town. Mere male 'right, what are we after today'?
Wifey - 'Nothing really, just want to look'.
Mere male waits patiently and confused whilst a zillion women's shops get searched like a drug den.
Later in day mere male then finds outdoor and gun shop. After 2 mns.. wifey 'it's time to get off home'
Don't you love them.
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