sign up log in
Want to go ad-free? Find out how, here.

Lynda Moore says when faced with a money problem you don't understand, don't waste time. Get some professional financial advice, face up to the issues, and get back on track

Personal Finance / opinion
Lynda Moore says when faced with a money problem you don't understand, don't waste time. Get some professional financial advice, face up to the issues, and get back on track
financial advice

In 1913 Sigmund Freud wrote “Money questions will be treated by cultured people in the same manner as sexual matters, with the same inconsistency, prudishness, and hypocrisy”.  More than 100 years later, many find it easier to talk about sex, but remain seclusive, embarrassed, or conflicted about discussing money. Money may be society's last emotional taboo.  This from my Mentor David Krueger (MD), and author of “The Secret Language of Money”.

Money can be taboo even between couples, some find it very easy to discuss and share their money stories, others find it really difficult.

We bring our money stories and history with us when we move from one relationship to another.  I was surprised when a client mentioned to me that one of her friends’ daughters was getting engaged and didn’t know what her prospective husband earned.  But that’s not uncommon according to mortgage broker friends who have been caught in embarrassing situations when one partner discloses debt or assets the other knew nothing about.

So, if we struggle to talk to those nearest and dearest to us, who do we talk to?

Our mates at the pub of course!  Over a few bevvies, feeling a bit more relaxed, we open up, and all this great advice comes back at us. Back in my accounting practice days it wasn’t that unusual to get a call from a client whose mate had given him a bit of tax advice, and the “why aren’t you doing this for me” question would pop up.

In all seriousness though, it is a tricky question.  You can ask Google, you can watch Tik Tok or You Tube videos, and listen to the latest guru.  I’m not saying they are all bad, there is some great advice out there, but sorting out the wood from the trees isn’t easy.

Why not start a little closer to home. Yes, that’s you, take a good look in the mirror and be honest about what it is you need to know.  Where are you feeling uncertain?  What is it that is keeping you awake at night? What area of your finances do you feel you need to learn more about?

Once you have done the internal deep dive and come up with the questions you need answers to, this will determine where you go next.

If your question is, how do I purchase my first home?  Maybe a mortgage broker is a good starting point, they can look at your circumstances and advise you on what you need to do to achieve your goal.  If they aren’t prepared to sit down with you and have that conversation, then look for someone else!

If you are at the other end of the spectrum and wondering what to do with your nest egg. Then find a financial advisor that you can relate to and has the expertise to help you navigate the world of investment.

If you are deep in the doggy-do and not sure how to get out of it, then a budget advisor is your go to person, they are great at helping you sort out what you owe, and help you put a plan in place and support you while you deal with it.

If you are looking across the table at your partner and thinking I have no idea how to have the money conversations we need to have, then a financial therapist (yes, we do exist), or money coach is who you need to talk to.

When it comes to money, the one thing I don’t want you to do is be the ostrich and bury your head in the sand and hope it just all sorts itself out. When it comes to money that isn’t a great strategy and it rarely gets better by ignoring it. Sadly, this is a strategy I am seeing quite a bit of right now.

Wherever you are in your financial journey, don’t hold back from asking for advice, there will be someone out there who can help you get to where you want to go.

Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.

We welcome your comments below. If you are not already registered, please register to comment.

Remember we welcome robust, respectful and insightful debate. We don't welcome abusive or defamatory comments and will de-register those repeatedly making such comments. Our current comment policy is here.


Money issues? Hmm serious money issues that need solutions... hmm if I have problems they are intractable. Usually they would be solved by going overseas or perhaps replacing parents. But you can never stay. So in many cases intractable money problems remain and tangential solutions can divert proximity to death. Most people do not have tangential thinking.

If you have difficulty talking about investments or relationship finances with a partner that is a linear problem with simple solutions and guides.  Often that can be summed up with boundaries and manage expectations. Financially abusive partners or ones struggling with addiction we have solutions for also but often we all have to become more aware of best practice counseling approaches (often MH&A involves trauma as a cause and trigger so a trauma informed approach helps & how to seek safe support when needed).

Even in terms of mortgages or loans/debt that is way too linear. Imagine if normal services & legal systems did not work or exist for justice or housing etc. Think on how you would get a home without a bank mortgage and plan from there (normally this one can be the easier to solve). Or what it would be like if a flood took out your home and insurance was being picky but you could not challenge them or take them to court (slightly trickier). Or if you had a significant accident but then ACC refused cover even though you may have become completely physically dependent on nursing care and bed bound (seen a lot of these cases, normally they often end in premature death, but there are pathways to survive but people find themselves well outside of NZ support systems). That sort of tangential thinking.

After all if a problem has a simple solution that could be solved with a phone call and a bank meeting, or selling the home and being homeless for a few months that is not an actual problem. That is a normal state for many other people and it has guided steps. Frankly anyone who struggles with simple problems probably needs emotional counseling more then they need the financial advice. Because adequate MH care can help people process the change in their state and the stressors they face (and obviously what likely led them to that point was a stressor they need to process, which if they struggle with should get help). Once they are more able to process things emotionally they can better set up the steps to the usual linear solutions. 


Thanks for sharing your thoughts!