Lynda Moore says financial planning for an age-gap relationship is about fairness, flexibility, and foresight, recognising your timelines are different but goals are shared

When it comes to love, age really is just a number; until it comes to your finances.

An age gap between partners can add richness and energy to a relationship. Different perspectives, life experiences and priorities can complement each other beautifully. But those same differences can also create challenges when it comes to money, particularly around retirement, investing, and long-term security.

I’m not talking about the rich and famous who seem to constantly want to trade down for the younger model, and who back themselves up with Pre-nups and a team of lawyers on standby for when the relationship ends, and the next new model gets rolled in. I’m talking about couples who fall in love with someone who just happens to be much older (or younger) they are.  Like any relationship that is new, money often doesn’t come up early enough in the relationship and when there is a bigger age gap, there are more things to consider on the financial front.

A common scenario is one partner is still in full-time work while the other is ready to slow down.  How do you make financial decisions that feel fair and balanced? How do you ensure both partners feel secure, not only now, but in the years ahead?

These are important questions to ask, because while love might be timeless, financial realities are not.

When couples are close in age, their financial timelines tend to align naturally. They start families, buy homes, build careers, and eventually retire around the same time. But in an age-gap relationship, say, 10 years or more, those life stages don’t always match up.

One partner might be thinking about retirement and wanting to shift their focus to travel or spending more time with the grandkids.  While the other is still climbing the career ladder and can’t take the time out yet to have the long breaks away.  Or one might be receiving NZ Super while the other still has years to go before qualifying. These mismatched timelines can make planning more complex. Not just from a financial perspective, but also timeframes for doing things as there is also the physical and mental ability to consider as well. 

You also need to consider things like NZ Super, and the residential care subsidy which assume partners are roughly at the same stage of life. If the younger partner is still working or has significant assets, that can affect the older partner’s eligibility for certain benefits.

On the flip side, a younger partner’s income can help maintain the household when the older partner’s earning power decreases. It can also reduce the need to dip into savings too soon, giving retirement investments more time to grow.

The key is to plan deliberately, rather than letting the age difference quietly shape your finances by default.

One of the biggest financial challenges in age-gap relationships is retirement timing. How long do you remain in the situation where one is working, and the other isn’t? When can you both stop and do all the fun things that you want to do?

In these situations, it helps to think of your finances as two interlinked plans, not one single retirement strategy.

Each partner’s plan should reflect their stage of life and investment horizon:

• The older partner’s plan might focus on preserving capital and creating reliable income streams from lower-risk assets.
• The younger partner’s plan can afford to take on more growth-focused investments, like property or shares, that have time to recover from market ups and downs.

This approach helps make sure your combined wealth lasts as long as the younger partner does. The younger partner doesn’t want to find themselves running out of money, because they drew it down too soon as a couple.

If there’s a significant income or asset gap between partners, talk openly about how you’ll share expenses. Differences in earning power can create tension if they’re not discussed. Agreeing on shared goals and financial boundaries helps both partners feel respected and secure.

Age gaps often come with another layer of complexity: blended families.

If one or both partners have children from previous relationships, it can be tricky to balance everyone’s needs particularly when it comes to inheritances, and support for adult children.

An older partner might want to make sure their children from a first marriage are provided for, while the younger partner may rely on shared assets to maintain their lifestyle after their spouse passes away.

Without clear planning, this can easily lead to misunderstandings or resentment down the line.

A few tools worth exploring are:

• Tenants in common ownership lets each partner leave their share of the home to whomever they choose — children, partner, or both.
• A life interest in a will allows the surviving partner to live in the home or receive income from investments for a set time, after which the remaining assets go to the children.
• Life insurance can also play a big role. A policy on the older partner’s life can provide a lump sum to children immediately, while the younger partner retains access to shared assets.

Estate planning doesn’t need to be complicated, but it does need to be intentional. Good legal and financial advice can help you protect everyone’s interests and avoid family conflict later.

Money conversations can be sensitive in any relationship, and age-gap couples often face extra emotional layers.

The older partner may worry about leaving the younger one financially secure. The younger partner may feel a sense of responsibility or even guilt about future caregiving or costs. And both may fear becoming financially dependent on the other.

Acknowledging these feelings is as important as addressing the numbers.

Start with open, non-judgmental conversations about what each of you wants the future to look like. How do you see your later years together? What kind of lifestyle do you want to maintain? What’s most important to you? Freedom, security, generosity, or legacy?

When couples work through these questions together, money becomes less of a stress point and more of a shared tool for creating the life they want.

At its heart, financial planning for an age-gap relationship is about fairness, flexibility, and foresight. It’s about recognising that your timelines are different, but your goals are shared.

Here are a few guiding principles to keep in mind:

1. Plan early — Don’t wait until retirement to discuss your financial differences.
2. Keep some independence — Separate accounts or portfolios can give each partner freedom and clarity.
3. Review your plans regularly — Life changes, and so should your financial strategy.
4. Get advice — A financial adviser or estate planner can help structure things fairly and legally soundly.

Love may not follow a formula, but your finances can. With thoughtful planning, open communication, and a shared vision, age-gap couples can create a future that feels balanced, secure, and full of possibility.  No matter how many candles are on each birthday cake.