Lynda Moore says when you understand your money psychology, you’re not just at the mercy of a sale. You’re in charge, of your spending, your decisions, and your story

Black Friday is coming, and it’s everywhere. Your inbox is full of “deals of the day,” your social media feeds are swarming with “limited time offers,” and even that quiet corner of the internet where you thought you were safe isn’t immune.

I feel I am getting better at managing the Black Friday marketing madness.  Each year I prune my subscriptions, and either block or unsubscribe to stuff that I have no interest in.

Living in a small town makes a difference too, I’m not seeing the Black Friday sales signs plastered over windows of shops, it seems to be just business as usual for my local stores.  But I can’t help but wonder how much potential business they are losing to those businesses that do market very heavily for Black Friday.  If I do want something in a Black Friday sale, I try to source it locally (as in NZ), before looking at the international big boys.

We like to think Black Friday is just about bargains. That it’s a harmless opportunity to save a few dollars or treat ourselves without guilt. But if you’ve ever found yourself buying something you didn’t plan to — or feeling strangely anxious because you didn’t — it’s worth pausing to ask: “What’s really going on here?”

Because here’s the thing: Black Friday isn’t just about shopping. It’s a masterclass in money psychology. And understanding it can tell us a lot about our relationship with money, long before we even had a credit card.

Why does Black Friday feel so urgent?

Most of us like to think our spending is logical. We tell ourselves, “I need this,” or “It’s a great deal, I can’t pass it up.” But the truth is that spending is almost always emotional. Black Friday taps straight into the subconscious stories we tell ourselves about money, stories formed in childhood, shaped by our upbringing, and reinforced over years of habits and experiences.

I know, I’m saying it again… For some people, it triggers the scarcity mindset:

“If I don’t grab this now, I’ll miss out.”

For others, it’s about validation:

“I’m being smart with money; I got a great deal.”

My favourite “I’ve worked hard and I deserve it”. I have used this one myself more often than I care to recall.

These reactions come from the same place: a belief that money is something to be controlled, outsmarted, or squeezed. Ironically, this mindset often leads to less control, not more.

Money isn’t just numbers in a bank account. It’s emotion, identity, and comfort. And when life feels uncertain or stressful, spending can become a way to self-soothe. Black Friday makes that incredibly easy because it comes with permission: “It’s okay, it’s on sale!”.  Also, one of my favourite phrases.

Think about the last time you made an impulse purchase during a sale. That quick hit of satisfaction, the rush of dopamine when you clicked “buy now” it feels good. But often, the item itself isn’t the real reason you’re buying.

It’s reassurance. It’s the feeling that you have enough, that you’re doing okay, that you’re in control. And when that’s the driver, no discount will ever feel big enough.

Many of us grew up equating being “good with money” with being a smart shopper. Scoring a deal felt like winning, paying full price felt foolish. That belief served us well when money was tight or when saving every dollar really mattered. But if your circumstances have changed and you’re still chasing deals as if your wellbeing depends on it, that’s a sign your money story hasn’t caught up with your current reality.

In other words, you’re not reacting to the price tag anymore. You’re reacting to the past.

Moving house and downsizing was a real eye opener to just how much stuff I had purchased that fell into that category of reacting to the “I deserve it story”.  As I was packing to move, the decision became, did I really want to keep it? Did I really want to hold onto that old story? The answer was a resounding NO!  The items that ended up in the moving truck had fun memories of the place I had visited when I purchased the item, or a gift that held special meaning to me.  Everything else, was either sold, or went to the local charity shop.

You don’t have to avoid Black Friday altogether. But awareness is everything. The next time you feel that urge to splurge, pause and ask yourself a few questions:

• Am I buying this because I need it, or because it’s discounted?
• What emotion am I trying to satisfy right now?
• Is this purchase aligned with who I want to be with money, or who I used to be?

When you spend with awareness instead of impulse, you shift from reacting to choosing. That’s real financial empowerment.

Because here’s the truth: Black Friday isn’t the problem. Our relationship with money is. (Yes, I know I’ve said this a lot as well).

Every impulse, hesitation, or click-to-cart moment is giving you valuable insight into how you think and feel about money. That’s a rare opportunity. Instead of judging yourself, get curious.

Ask yourself what your actions are telling you about your beliefs and habits.

Understanding your money psychology is like turning on a light in a dark room. Suddenly, you see patterns you weren’t aware of. You notice triggers, habits, and old beliefs that don’t serve you anymore. And once you see them, you can choose differently.

Black Friday doesn’t have to be a test of willpower. It can be a moment to reflect, to notice your relationship with spending, and to make conscious decisions that actually align with your values and goals.

Maybe that means skipping a few sales. Maybe it means setting limits for yourself. Or maybe it’s as simple as pausing before you buy and asking: “Am I really doing this for me, or am I acting out an old money story?”

When you make purchases consciously, the control flips. You’re not just navigating a sale, you’re shaping your story. You’re in charge of your spending and your relationship with money, rather than letting old habits dictate your choices.

Black Friday will come and go. The emails, ads, and “limited-time offers” will flood our lives for a few days, and then disappear again. But what lasts is the story you have with your money.

If you get swept up in the hype, don’t beat yourself up. Observe. Ask questions. Understand what’s driving you. Every click, every impulse, and every hesitation is a clue. And the more curious you are, the more empowered you become.

When you understand your money psychology, you’re not just at the mercy of a sale. You’re in charge, of your spending, your decisions, and your story.

*Lynda Moore is a Money Mentalist coach and New Zealand’s only certified New Money Story® mentor. Lynda helps you understand why you do the things you do with your money, when we all know we should spend less than we earn. You can contact her here.

Being Kiwi-modest, Lynda didn't include her own book in this article. She should have. It is:Conversations With Money: A Love Story: How to love your money and it love you back